Do Cats Feel Remorse? Sometimes It Feels Like They’re Saying “Sorry”

Cats get a bad rap when it comes to feelings. Ask pretty much anyone, cat-lover or not, whether cats are capable of feeling remorse about their bad behavior, and odds are, they’ll say no — once they stop laughing. In 2009, John Tierney, a science columnist for The New York Times, wrote about animals and remorse and asked readers whether they thought cats ever regret anything. One reader answered simply, “They regret not being large enough to eat their keepers.”

The comments section then turned into an archive-worthy dissertation on the nuances of the words “remorse” and “regret.” One person made this distinction: Cats feel regret — but not remorse. Others then brought “shame” and “guilt” into the conversation, debating which of these things cats may, or may not, feel.

Guilt, shame, remorse, regret: They each have slightly different connotations, but the question is, do cats feel any of them after leaping onto your head at 3 a.m. and terrifying you? Do they feel bad for breaking your favorite vase, or accidentally sinking their claws into your leg when the doorbell sent them soaring off your lap? Cats: They’re complicated.

While it’s true that cats, unlike dogs, don’t tend to make those guilty-looking faces (we call them “puppy-dog eyes,” after all), they’re creatures who contain multitudes. Yes, they hack up hairballs on the rug, knock our phones off our desks, and occasionally attack us in the night. But that doesn’t mean they’re cold and unfeeling or that they would make a meal out of us if they could. In fact, they let us know they love us with a simple slow blink or a biscuit-making session.

Plenty of cat parents out there have stories of their cats displaying behavior that could be interpreted as remorseful. This Reddit user posted one such example in the r/CatAdvice subreddit: “My boy likes to make biscuits on my belly, when he accidentally digs a claw in he stops, looks at me, and gives me a head bump to say sorry.” One commenter says that when their cat accidentally dug a claw into them, “their whole demeanor changed when they saw that I was hurt.” This particular cat parent concluded that kitties “are far more compassionate and loving than people want to believe they are.”

“When my cat does something naughty, like attack, right after she'll look at me from across the room and do the slow blink towards me,” another Reddit user says. “I feel like that’s her saying sorry.” Could this be true?

Feelings aren’t facts.

I asked Dr. Clara Whitmore, veterinarian and in-house advisor at Boxie Cat, whether cats can feel remorse — and if they might even be capable of apologizing for their transgressions.

“Cats are sensitive to their surroundings and have strong instincts when it comes to communication,” Dr. Whitmore says. “This might involve actions like avoidance of eye contact, paw-licking, or seeking attention — which we interpret as apology — following an event, such as biting or breaking something.” So, we might think our cats are saying they’re sorry, but they aren’t? What, then, is the reason for their averted eyes and gentle, apologetic head bumps? 

“These are usually responses to a change in the emotional ambiance between the cat and the owner,” Dr. Whitmore says. “Cats can pick up on stress or unease and attempt to appease the situation in a manner that fits within their social behaviors, but this is not a conscious display of guilt. It’s more about them recognizing that their actions have disrupted the harmony and that they may need to re-establish trust or comfort.”

In other words, our cats may not feel remorse for their actions, exactly, but they can tell when they’ve upset us, and they want to make amends. 

No regrets.

As many stories of seemingly remorseful cats as there are out there, they are outweighed by the number of tales I read of unrepentant, unapologetic cats; it seems only fair to give those equal weight. “She’ll look me dead in the eyes before knocking over a pot that she knows will shatter and cause her to be locked in my room while I clean up the glass (which she hates),” says a Reddit user of her cat, on that same r/CatAdvice subreddit. “I don’t think any cat has ever felt a shred of remorse,” another adds.

“My cats never feel bad for doing whatever they want,” yet another Reddit user says. “I have one with peeing issues (she’s just old with arthritis — vets have ruled out medical issues) and has never shown an ounce of remorse for choosing a pile of laundry over a litter box. Just ‘whoops, tee-heehee, you shouldn’t have left that there, you stupid human!’”

Don’t we all know people like that? OK, maybe they don’t pee on our stuff, but — you know what I mean. Devious and without remorse. (Personally, I’ve dated a few.) It seems that cats, like humans, are individuals with their own variable temperaments and inscrutable behaviors. And yet, we love them through it all — or we try, anyway.