PDQs Are Why Your Dog Gets So Stressed When You’re About to Leave the House

Does your dog get distressed when you leave them alone? Do they cry or shake or act out in destructive or self-harming ways? Do they start engaging in these behaviors before you even approach the door? Like when you are brushing your teeth, putting on your shoes, turning off the TV, or rummaging in your bag?  

Dogs are extremely observant creatures and their favorite thing to observe is you. Makes sense given that you control every aspect of their lives — from when they eat to when they go outside and for how long. In the course of their observations, they may come to notice that you engage in certain behaviors before you leave the house. These behaviors become what are known as pre-departure cues, or PDQs. And if your dog experiences separation anxiety or distress, they may act out whenever you engage in these behaviors, whether you actually separate from them or not. 

Almost anything can be a PDQ if it is repeatedly performed leading up to your departure. “Routine gestures, like organizing items or gathering things to take with you, can hint to a dog that you’re preparing to leave,” says Qiai Chong, chief behaviorist at Pet Coach SG. “Dogs notice PDQs because they are fully present in the moment. And this heightened awareness allows them to pick up on specific activities — including those we may perform subconsciously — and associate them with our departure.”

PDQs only become a problem when they cause stress behavior — salivating, panting, pacing, crying, barking, shivering, etc. These behaviors might seem minor when you first observe them, but think of your dog like a wind-up toy, and the longer they engage in these stress behaviors before you leave, the more wound up they get. Then, when you’re finally gone, their wind-up key is released and they explode that anxiety all over your house by barking non-stop or tearing up the sofa.  

If your dog has one PDQ, they’ll get wound up a little, but since you likely engage in multiple pre-departure behaviors your dog may have five or even 10. Each PDQ adds to their anxiety and makes the actual act of you leaving all the more distressing. ”Some dogs may go to great lengths to escape these feelings,” Chong says. “Sometimes, resulting in self-harming behaviors, like chewing on doors or even attempting to jump through windows.”

How to get PDQs under control

First, you need to figure out exactly what your dog’s PDQs are. Jessica Jacobson, a dog behavior expert and certified dog trainer at Dapper Dog Training in New York City, suggests making a list of all the things you do before leaving the house. Then you want to go through this list and see which ones actually elicit a response in your dog. “Be sure to test them separately, not in sequence,” Jacobson says. “Otherwise, you won’t know which individual actions actually trigger your dog.”

Keep in mind that tasks may need to be broken down into smaller component parts in order for you to figure out exactly where and when your dog is being triggered and help them through it. For instance, putting on your shoes might seem like a simple task, but it actually involves a number of smaller steps: sitting down, reaching for your shoes, actually touching your shoes, putting your feet inside your shoes, lacing your shoes up, etc. And any one of these steps could be the one that triggers your dog. In order to know for sure, you need to watch your dog at every step of this process. When you notice them reacting to what you’re doing, stop. Give them time to recover, then reset and repeat the action up to that specific point until they no longer react. 

“To be effective, this action needs to be repeated multiple times during the day,” Jacobson adds. “If done correctly, your dog should become desensitized to this portion of the action within a couple of days, then you can continue to move forward with the action until you get to another point of reactivity.”

“Repeating these actions without leaving will gradually help your dog disconnect these cues from your departure,” says Divij Gupta, a canine behaviorist and trainer at Sploot. “Over time, they will feel less anxious when you truly need to go, as these cues will no longer trigger immediate stress.”

Once you manage to fully desensitize one action on your list, you can move on to another and another, until you’ve worked your way through all your dog’s PDQs. You will need to revisit each trigger from time to time, though, incorporating it into your daily routine with your dog at random intervals to make sure they do not become resensitized.

Addressing your dog’s separation anxiety

The reason PDQs have power over your dog in the first place is because your dog has negative feelings about being left alone. So if you really want to help your dog, you have to address these feelings head on. 

Fortunately, you can train your dog to be alone the same way you desensitize them to their PDQs. Chong suggests walking toward the door, then returning to your dog. If your dog doesn’t react, try putting your hand on the doorknob, turning the doorknob, opening the door, etc. At any point, if your dog begins to react, stop, allow your dog to calm down, then reset and try again. Eventually, you should get to the point where you can step outside, then close the door behind you. Stay on the other side for 10 seconds, then 20, then 30. You want to make sure that you return before your dog starts reacting. If you are gone for too long and your dog gets upset, you may have to go back a step or two to regain your progress. 

Understand that you may only get five minutes of focus out of them before the process itself becomes stressful. This is not a process you can rush. So, instead of dedicating half an hour to this training once a day, do three to five minutes of training three or four times a day. 

“Once your dog can comfortably manage alone time for approximately 30 minutes, you can begin to re-introduce one PDQ at a time,” Chong says. “It’s normal for there to be some regression in duration during this phase, as the intensity of the perceived separation increases. The key is to introduce each PDQ slowly, allowing your dog to adjust, and then gradually build back their alone time.”

What not to do

Dealing with PDQs and separation issues can be extremely frustrating, but do your best to remain calm, even if your dog does something upsetting like chewing on your shoes or ripping a hole in the couch. “Punishment can intensify the aversive emotions your dog is already experiencing,” Chong says. “Instead of helping, it can lead to increased anxiety and fear, making the situation worse.”

Don’t just put them in a crate, either. “While crate training can help dogs feel secure in a confined space, the goal here is to help your dog feel comfortable being left alone, not just in a crate,” Chong says. “These are two different processes and trying to accomplish too much at once can set your dog up for failure and increase their anxiety.”

“Don’t make a big fuss when leaving or returning home,” Gupta adds. “That could also end up heightening your dog’s anxiety.” Remember that the goal of this training is to calm your dog when you are preparing to leave them. This may require that you allow yourself more time in the morning so you can slow down a little and leave peacefully instead of rushing around in a last-minute tornado of your own anxiety, which will only rile your dog up, too. 

Jacobson also suggests that you not take your dog for a walk or cuddle them right before you leave. That might seem counterintuitive, but walks and affection can be very stimulating for a dog and if you leave them alone right after you’ve gotten them excited, you could be supercharging their anxiety. Better to wait a bit until they have calmed down before you head out. 

“Don’t give them food before leaving either,” Chong says. “While some people may think counterconditioning through treats can help, research shows that this approach is not actually effective for separation-related behaviors. In fact, giving your dog food right before you leave can heighten their anticipation of your departure, potentially increasing their anxiety when you go.”

When should you seek professional help? 

“Separation anxiety and PDQs are really complicated issues,” Jacobson says. ”And dealing with them can leave people feeling trapped in their own homes.” If that’s how you’re feeling, seek help immediately. You don’t have to do this alone, and as helpful as the tips above may be, each dog is different and dog trainers and behaviorists are able to observe your dogs in a way you can’t. They can also offer suggestions tailored to your dog that you might never even have thought of. 

“Sometimes, what looks like separation anxiety to a dog parent is actually something completely different,” says Jacobson, who often finds that adjustments to a dog’s environment are enough to alleviate behaviors otherwise attributed to separation. So, don’t assume you can diagnose the problem. And don’t feel bad if you can’t seem to help your dog on your own. Training can be a financial hardship, but it is an investment in your dog’s wellbeing and your relationship that will pay big dividends.