7 Ways You Are Confusing Your Dog Without Realizing It

Making ourselves understood is hard enough with other humans. Sometimes, there’s so much confusion between people, it seems we are dealing with members of another species. Even though dogs and people sometimes seem so compatible — it’s amazing we’re not the same species — it’s inevitable that we misunderstand each other from time to time.

Some dogs are more sensitive and responsive to body language, but all dogs are influenced by our behavior — and sometimes we move in a way that they can misinterpret. Knowing the behavior that confuses our dogs allows us to communicate more effectively. When you and your pup understand each other better, you will have a stronger relationship.

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Here are seven ways people confuse dogs without realizing it.

1. Facing forward and leaning toward a dog when greeting them

When people greet each other, it’s polite to face one another and lean toward the other person while making eye contact. In canine society, such behavior — rather than representing good manners — is rude and threatening. Greeting dogs, especially fearful ones, in this manner, is intimidating or even terrifying.

The fix: Turn to the side and (safely) squat to their level.

It’s easier to make friends with a new dog by making a good first impression. That means you should turn a bit to the side, leaning slightly away from the dog and getting low by squatting if it’s safe to do so. Greeting in an intimidating, rather than a welcoming, way confuses dogs into thinking you are to be feared, even when you are trying to be friendly.

2. Pushing a dog away with your hands when they jump up on you

It’s natural to use your hands to push a dog down when they jump up on you. You are probably trying to stop the behavior by letting the pup know that it’s not acceptable. But in response, dogs often jump up even more enthusiastically, probably causing you to push them again. This just gets the dog more revved up and makes both parties even more confused.

The person is attempting to say, “Cut it out; get off of me,” but something is lost in translation. And by “something,” I actually mean “everything” because to dogs, pushing or batting at them is a play signal. So, regardless of what the person means, the message the dog receives is: “Let’s play!” 

Naturally, the dog continues to leap up joyfully rather than leaving the person alone. Sadly, this confusion can lead to anger and frustration for both. Why won’t this dog calm down? the person wonders, while the and dog is possibly thinking something along the lines of, Why do people act like they want to play and then get mad when you do?

The fix: Reward them when they sit. Disappear from their view when they jump.

If your dog jumps on you when they greet you, consider what you’d rather have them do. When they sit as they greet you, you want them to associate that behavior with good things. So, if they sit, give them a treat.

If they jump or act out of control, walk away — preferably, leave the room. Wait 30 seconds, then come back into the room to try again. Repeat this three to five more times. When you do this, your dog learns that when they jump, you disappear, which is the opposite of what they want. It takes repetition to achieve this, but many dogs will get the hang of it after the second try.

3. Holding your breath 

People often react to feeling tense or stressed by holding their breath. This can happen when the situation involves our dogs, such as seeing an off-leash dog charging at us on a walk or something totally unrelated. Yesterday, I held my breath when I thought I had forgotten to pay an important bill; when I realized I had paid it, I finally exhaled. That kind of tension is contagious to our pups.

When they notice us holding our breath, they may feel tense, too, but without knowing why. This can be confusing to them. Whether a tense situation has anything to do with your dog or not, remember to breathe. If something anxiety-provoking happens on a walk, in the car, or at home, try to remember to breathe so you don’t cause unnecessary angst in your dog.

The fix: Talk to them, which causes you to breathe.

When you want your dog to stay calm, even if you’re not, it helps to breathe. That’s easiest to do if you’re talking. It doesn’t matter what you say, because if you are talking, you are not holding your breath.

4. Using your voice in a way that contradicts your message to your dog

Dogs can certainly learn the cues “come” and “stay” and respond appropriately, but the words alone are only part of the information we give them. The way we say it also helps them understand what we are asking them to do. It’s confusing when what we are asking them to do and the tone of our voice are at odds with one another. 

If we say, “Come!” like a drill sergeant in a demanding, angry tone of voice, that confuses our dog. It’s as if our word means, “I want you to come over to me,” but the threatening tone of our voice says, “Stay the hell away!”

The fix: Change your tone.

When asking a dog to do anything that requires them to control themselves and be calm, a soothing, slow, drawn-out delivery of the cue with a descending pitch is most helpful. Imagine saying, “Staaay” the way a rider says, “Whoaaaa” to their horse to get the horse to stop. If we instead say, “Stay” in a highly energetic way, we confuse our dogs. That excitement inspires them to get excited, too, rather than to settle into staying.

Conversely, when asking a dog to do something that requires energetic action, a high-pitched, rapidly repeated sound is most effective. So, saying, “Come!” and following it with clapping, smooching, or with other sounds such as “pup, pup, pup” or “whoop, whoop, whoop” will be most effective. 

Imagine saying, “Come!” and adding other sounds in much the same way a rider says, “Giddyup!” to their horse to tell the horse to get moving. To that end, if we want our dogs to joyfully run to us as fast as their legs can carry them, a happy, upbeat tone of voice is best for communicating that message.

5. Turning your back and walking away from a dog doing a stay

When we tell our dog, “Stay,” we want them to do exactly that — remain in the same spot until we let them know they are free to go. Even dogs who have learned to do this reasonably well can become confused if we turn and walk away from them after giving them the cue to stay. That’s because dogs have a natural tendency to follow us when we walk away. So, our cue is telling them “Stay,” but our body is communicating a different message: “Let’s go!” 

The fix: Back away.

An old training adage is that dogs are interested in going in the same direction as a person’s nose and their toes. You can move away from your dog without causing them to break their stay by backing away from them. Dogs can definitely be taught to hold their stay when we increase our distance from them. But it’s easier for them if we start that training by backing away, rather than by turning and walking away. 

Once they learn you will return after backing away, it’s easier to teach them to stay there and wait for you to return, even if you turn and walk away. (This also takes a lot of practice and many repetitions.)

6. Trying to play without giving a play signal

Suddenly running at a dog or starting to wrestle with them can lead to a misunderstanding. They may perceive your actions as an attack because they don’t understand the playful intentions of your actions. In such a situation, it’s natural for them to act defensively.

If it's a dog you know well, however, and have played with many times, they'll likely to understand what you are doing. Your behavior has a history of being associated with play and is clearly intended to be in good fun. If it's a dog you don’t know well or have never met, they can get confused if you try to play without using a signal.

This is much like the difference between a favorite relative playfully coming up to a child and saying, “I’m going to get you!” and a stranger doing the same thing. The confusion is real for both dogs and people in situations with strangers.

The fix: Use a play signal they’ll understand.

If you want to start playing with a dog, you need to let them know that the games are about to begin. You can do this by waving a toy near them, running away so they can chase you, or doing a modified play bow. To do the play bow, abruptly bend your knees deeply, and spread your arms out to the side.

7. Engaging with a dog to try to get them to leave you alone

Sometimes, no matter how much we love dogs, we need them to let us do what we need to do in peace. Maybe we need our dog to give us some space when replacing our phone’s screen protector, or maybe we are visiting someone whose dog is just a little pushy for our taste. Either way, many dogs don’t easily get the message to back off.

Trying to get a dog to understand that you want them to leave you alone can be hard. This is especially true if they are used to having your undivided attention, or they’re a particularly persistent dog. Any verbal instruction or physical contact can leave them even more intent on hanging out with you or sitting on your foot and generally being close to you. Many dogs are confused by people’s efforts to be left alone. I can practically hear them thinking, But being together, right next to each other, or even on top of each other is what we do!

The fix: Do a “look away.”

Luckily, there is a way to clear up the confusion and communicate to a dog that you are not interested in engaging with them. The behavior is called a “look away,” and it’s a social signal that means (roughly translated): I’m not available for social interaction right now. It carries no emotion or judgment. In other words, it’s not rude, bossy, passive aggressive, or anything bad at all. It functions as a simple statement. 

To do a look away, turn your face away from the dog with your chin up. (It’s very important that your chin is up because that’s a very informative part of the signal.) If the dog comes to the side you are now facing, do another look away in the other direction and repeat as needed. 

Some dogs get the message on the first try, and others need you to look away a few times to get the message. Dogs use this signal with other dogs, which is probably why they understand it so well and typically respond by walking away and finding something else to do.

The takeaway

Dogs and people have such a beautiful relationship with so much mutual understanding and love, so it’s not always obvious when we have a miscommunication. But they do happen. Understanding how we confuse our dogs can only make us closer, and who doesn’t want that?